My Baby Boomer Baby Book

Congratulations, baby boomers: You are now officially all middle-aged. It’s a book of firsts: My first colonoscopy, my first reading glasses. A book of vital statistics, including married name(s), circumference of abdomen, cholesterol count (HDL and LDL), and home state (Red or Blue). It’s a place to keep track of primary care givers—herbalist, psychopharmacologist. Record favorite expressions—I’m having a senior moment. Dressing on the side, please. 60 is the new 50. Keep track of “What I’ve Grown,” from liver spots to knee flaps. There’s also a place for a lock of hair (if you can spare it) along with the Seven Stages of Hair Loss (men: from minoxidil to shaves head; women: from plucks grey hairs to dyes it champagne blond). Plus essays—“Am I Smiling or Is It Gas,” and “I Go to School,” a parody of Adult Ed classes.