"Attention wrinklies!"
Are you in competition with ‘the other grandparents'?
Desperate to be cool, fun and ‘down with it'?
Then look no further.
Here, retired military officer Malcolm Allen shares his battle plan for success, inspired by army techniques!
Ditch the corduroy slacks, invest in electric nose and ear clippers and learn how to use an iPad.
"Right? At the double then!"